I'm walking through this life of mine,
Seeing the beauty in everything and everyone.
Listening to the beauty in the birds love song,
Watching the beauty of the sunrise and sunset.
Enjoying the beauty of the way a horse moves when it's completely happy;
Watching the dog come running up to me with nothing but love in her eyes.
Watching the people I love fall in lov....
My breath is taken away in the blink of an eye...
All at once I feel like I can't catch my breath;
It feels like someone is poring ice cold water on my back...
A knife sinking deep into what is left of my shattered heart...
It feels like someone has punched me in the gut with all their strength...
And then with a 20 lb hammer...
It feels like I am alone with nowhere to run...no one to run too...
Why am I the only one who does not have someone to turn too?...
Someone to remind me that I am lovable!...wanted!...beautiful!...sane!...that I am not alone?!...
Everything before that I saw as beautiful has now become my nightmare!!!
Haunting me everywhere I go!...
Is there no one out there who loves me?!
Who wants me for who I am?!...
Or am I gonna vanish without a trace from this world...that I once thought to be full of beauty...
But has now become my nightmare!!!
I feel as if I am drifting away and no one even realizes that I am...
Sometimes I mask my pain with false joy and happiness, so that others do not see that I am truly in pain...
I feel...left out...neglected...unwanted...unlovable...damned!...
Must I walk through this life of mine alone?
Never knowing what it means to be truly loved?
I feel...like a phantom...half the time I think I am a phantom...invisible...unseeable...just drifting through this life of mine...
Waiting...hoping...that someone will finally see me.
It's hard for me to be physically around those who are in love...
All it does is cause me more pain.
Maybe I was never meant to be with someone...
Maybe it's all just in my head...
I feel...as if not knowing is gonna kill me...
Right here...where I stand...without mercy...
No compassion...not caring one bit!!!...
Started: 3/2/2011
Finished: 3/3/2011
