Real?...Or Just Fake?...

Sitting here trying to think of something... Anything but what had happened to us... Anything but the fact that you're no longer here...
Anything but all the things that had gone on between us...
Were they real?...
Or were they just fake?
Sitting here trying not to remember how it felt when we laughed together or just spent time together.
Were the feelings we felt for each other real?...
Or were they just fake?
Sitting here trying not to remember all the times it felt like you were hiding something from me...feeling like you were keeping me in the dark.
Were we real with each other?...
Or were we just fake?
Sitting here trying not to remember all the times I sat there waiting for you.
Was it all real?...
Or was it just fake?...

Changed my blog name...

Okay...so I changed my blog name to Amelia M. Fanger n my blog spot address to mia-fang.blogspot.com.


How come? Cause I am tired of being a or the Phantom. I don't want to hide no more. 
Thanks to my two beautiful, loving, caring, encouraging, and totally supporting sisters I am gonna try to be more active with writing blogs.


Right now I don't think I could do one blog a week like my oldest sister (Amanda Fanger) does. But maybe some day I will. :) 


I'm not a talented artist like my sisters (Amanda Fanger and Alexis Fanger) or as talented with words as they are. 


But that doesn't mean that I can't try anyways. 


My second oldest sister (Alexis Fanger) is the most talented artist I know besides my oldest sister (Amanda Fanger) and my Mom. They are the most talented artists I know. :) And lucky me I get to call them my family! XD


Any-who...I'm starting to get off topic here. Sorry. :) 


I changed my blog because I want to be known for who I am (Amelia M. Fanger) and not the Phantom. Even though Phantom is one of my nicknames from my family I don't want to be known by just that.
So there you go...


Thanks Amanda and Alexis for all the encouragement and support! :) 


Well...I think I'm gonna head out...


Thanks for reading my blog! I hope you enjoyed it. :)

Concrete Angel

There are times when I feel like a Concrete Angel
....cold and hard as stone
...steadfast and unbreakable
...beautiful and stunning
...alone yet loved
...but does anyone stop to think that maybe sometimes those Concrete Angel's need someone to lean on?
.... A shoulder to cry on?
... Someone to hold them and comfort them?
...To tell them that they don't always have to be hard as stone
...cold as stone
...and alone
...Just because there are no cracks or holes on the outside does anyone stop to think that there might be cracks and holes on the inside? 
That don't show through...
Nothing is perfect...
Sooner or later...
Everything fades...
Sooner or later...
Everything breaks...
Crumbles...
And eventually vanishes...
Some people probably wouldn't even notice that it is gone...
Some might...for a little while...
But before to long it's forgotten about...
It's replaced with something else...
Something more beautiful...
Something better...

Run!...Run Away!...

Run!...Run away!...
While you still can!...
Its coming!...Coming to get you!...
If you don't run...you'll never live to see another day!...
Walking through this dream!...I see you!...
A hope in darkness!...And my new life!...
I live through you!...And you through me!...
Then all of a sudden...Your ripped away from me!...
I scream your name!...As you scream mine!...
Then everything goes black!...Not being able to see anything!...
I scream for you...You don't answer me!...
I feel around...And I feel nothing!...
I scream your name again...Still no reply!...
I scream your name at the top of my lungs...Still you do not answer my cry!...
Sobbing I curl up into a ball...Trying to remember what it felt like!...
You holding me...It feels like a distant dream that I can't remember clearly!...
Run! Run Away!...Said a whispering voice!...
"Hello?" I whispered in reply..."Hello?!"...
It was quite for a while...Then out of no where!...
RUN! RUN AWAY!...Screamed the whispering voice!...
"Who are you?" I ask the voice...I sat up...
IF YOU DO NOT RUN!...YOU WILL NEVER LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY!...
Screamed the same voice...His loud voice was making my ears hurt!...
"How am I to run away when I cannot see where I am?"...I asked him...
RUN! RUN! RUN AWAY!...He screamed at me again...
"HOW?!" I scream back at him..."How am I to run away when I cannot see?!?!"...
Run!...Run away!...Run away while you still can!...
The whispered voice said again...His voice sounds so familiar!...
But yet not really...Who is this guy?...
Run!...Away!...For me!...Run Away!...
"From what? What am I supposed to be running from?!"...
"And how am I supposed to run away?!" I asked him...
Run!...I could barely heard him whisper it this time...
His voice sounded...Distant...Like it was coming from my right...
I get up...And start to head in that direction...
Taking couscous steps...I didn't want to trip, fall, hit my head, and be knocked unconscious...
It seemed like hours...Following this guy's voice...
Not knowing where I was going...Then all of a sudden...
Light pierced through the darkness...I cover my eyes...
For it was so bright...That it hurt my eyes dearly to look at the light...
Run...Run towards the light!...
I knew right then and here...Where his voice was coming from...
And I saw him then...He was holding a torch...
The source of the light...Was from the torch that he held!...
I ran to him...And when I finally came into his viewing range...
He ran towards me!...We collided into each other...
His arms came around me...In a strong embrace...
He whispers my name...Into my ear...
He kisses my face...Leaving no spot on my face that he didn't kiss...
He buried his face into my hair...And whisper my name...
Over and over again...Memorizing my face...
Just like I was memorizing his...After a while of staring at each other...
"Lets get out of this place"..."Please?!" I tell him...
"Okay." He says understanding the reason why...I wanted to get of this place...
This dark place...Unfriendly...Darkness surrounding everything in this black hole...
Run!...Run Away!...
Run away from the darkness!...If you don't...It will consume you!...
RUN!...RUN AWAY!...

Ah! The Life of A Farm Girl

Ah! The Life of A Farm Girl is NEVER boring!
There is always SOMETHING to do around the farm!
Things to get you into trouble!
And if you ever tell your dad or mom that your bored...well lets just say its not a good idea!
For if you say it they will fine you something to do...and its not always fun work!
Either do the dishes or the laundry or cleaning the bathroom.
But there is always SOMETHING to do on a farm to keep you busy!
I have found that out the hard way!
If there isn't something that sounds fun to go do then go find something fun to go do!
Just as long as you didn't get into trouble! lol
Ah! The Life of A Farm Girl is NEVER boring!

This life of mine...

I'm walking through this life of mine,
Seeing the beauty in everything and everyone.
Listening to the beauty in the birds love song,
Watching the beauty of the sunrise and sunset.
Enjoying the beauty of the way a horse moves when it's completely happy;
Watching the dog come running up to me with nothing but love in her eyes.
Watching the people I love fall in lov....
My breath is taken away in the blink of an eye...
All at once I feel like I can't catch my breath;
It feels like someone is poring ice cold water on my back...
A knife sinking deep into what is left of my shattered heart...
It feels like someone has punched me in the gut with all their strength...
And then with a 20 lb hammer...
It feels like I am alone with nowhere to run...no one to run too...
Why am I the only one who does not have someone to turn too?...
Someone to remind me that I am lovable!...wanted!...beautiful!...sane!...that I am not alone?!...
Everything before that I saw as beautiful has now become my nightmare!!!
Haunting me everywhere I go!...
Is there no one out there who loves me?!
Who wants me for who I am?!...
Or am I gonna vanish without a trace from this world...that I once thought to be full of beauty...
But has now become my nightmare!!!
I feel as if I am drifting away and no one even realizes that I am...
Sometimes I mask my pain with false joy and happiness, so that others do not see that I am truly in pain...
I feel...left out...neglected...unwanted...unlovable...damned!...
Must I walk through this life of mine alone?
Never knowing what it means to be truly loved?
I feel...like a phantom...half the time I think I am a phantom...invisible...unseeable...just drifting through this life of mine...
Waiting...hoping...that someone will finally see me.
It's hard for me to be physically around those who are in love...
All it does is cause me more pain.
Maybe I was never meant to be with someone...
Maybe it's all just in my head...
I feel...as if not knowing is gonna kill me...
Right here...where I stand...without mercy...
No compassion...not caring one bit!!!...




Started: 3/2/2011
Finished: 3/3/2011